festival stereotypes (clockenflap edition)

With Clockenflap creating a ton of anticipation and excitement for this years line up I decided to create a little guide to your festival stereotypes and how to prep yourself for a heavy 2 3 day weekend of international and local music talent.
So far, Clockenflap has teased us with a couple of confirmed bands but with 3 days this year instead of 2, I’m sure we’ll keep checking back to see if our favourite bands will be appearing on their line up page.

But for now, prepare yourself for those festival stereotypes…..

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You know, the people that stand around and are dead serious about not being disturbed while listening to their favourite band, or not their favourite band? Its hard to tell when they stand off to one side of the stage  so they don’t get hit in the face or stomped on by over enthusiastic music lovers but not too far that they don’t get shoved by people walking to the next stage.

The SO SERIOUS CREW hardly seem to bob their heads or tap their feet along with the songs BUT, the second you bump into them they give you this look like you’ve just slapped them across the face with a dead fish.  You apologise to them but their sour face doesn’t seem to subside. Their eyes follow yours as you start to walk off and all you want to do is tell them to FUCKING RELAX.

How to deal with them: Ignore their shitty attitude, and party on.

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A lot of kids in Hong Kong grow up too fast, I’m not quite sure what it is about Hong Kong, maybe its the mix of cultures and the international schools that seem to breed kids to be a certain way but the obnoxious kids are not just found at music festivals but the environment of a music festival causes them to overreact 10 fold.

You’ve got the lasses that seem to wear the same sort clothes (like a tour group- expect with less fabric) with a mean girl attitude with their glares and “oh maii gaddz.”  Then you’ve got the lads that also seem to wear the same clothing but different colours with frat boy attitude topped with flexing their boy muscles and frat boy antics, of course.

These are the people running around the venue acting like they are the only people there. You can hear them scream from a mile away for their friends as they try to reassemble their tour group clique. (Their outfits only work as a group, much like halloween)

How to deal with them: Ignore them OR put them in their place if their escapades get unbearable.

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Ah, the fashionistas. They treat Clockenflap like a large runway show with carefully planned outfits for each day while taking a lot of photos to tag #OOTD and uploading them to every type of social media platform they have on their phones, or tablets.

Next to you, you can hear “does this look okay?” or “it doesn’t match just don’t wear it” from different areas of the festival grounds while they pose for full length pictures with all their friends and more fashionista people.

Usually they are more focused on the fashion side of things rather than enjoying the music, they are the stereotypes that go to be seen. This is not HK fashion week, its a music festival so just throw on a pair of wellies, shorts and t-shirt and you’re good to go.

How to deal with them: Ignore their selfies & ootds. Also don’t get in the way of their photo sessions, they might hit you with their clutch or fists which are swarming with rings and accessories. 

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The music fanatics usually are the first ones there at the ready with their cameras and their little Clockenflap schedule to make sure they don’t miss out on watching their favourite bands. The fanatics are also the ones that get inconsolably upset when two of their favourite bands are on simultaneously but at different stages. To be honest, i think we all hate that but the fanatics might be overly dramatic and run back and forth.

They are also the ones to show off how much they know about the band while they push past the crowd to get to the front of the stage to sing along to every word.

How to deal with them: Ignore them, they mean business. 

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Ah the druggies, easy to spot because they are either  out our their minds or paranoid as hell.
They are the ones that keep asking each other whether they are coming up or the ones that pass around a suspicious looking cigarette or in the case of 2012 Clockenflap, having a toke in the middle of the crowd while De La Soul were performing.

Now i’m definitely not limiting this stereotype category to illegal substances because the alcoholics will cause confusion to who is coked up, doped up or liquored up.

The alcoholics talk like they know everything about everything and slur their words together as you try and piece and make sense of their sentence containing the words water, caterpillar, protein and building.

You spot a group of people that dance around together for hours on end but don’t talk to each other you know they are having their very own private rave in their head: admission free, capacity limit: 1.

How to deal with them: Ignore them or tell them to be a little bit more discreet- but at your own risk, they might be on a bath salt kinda level. 

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Just enjoy it.

LOVE, p

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